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Two things..

 

One

Reminder to people who read my LJ, you are being warned now and forever more.

1) When you read my LJ you are making a risk.

2) If you get offended on my comments in MY LJ then that is your issue no mine cause I warned you.

3) I welcome comments all the time. If they are offensive I have the right to delete them cause I am a bitch like that.

4) When someone adds me to their Friends list. I will not add you unless I already know you. So please introduce your self to me either through e mail or on comments I am more than willing to add you.

5) Don’t expect me to read everything you post. I have a lot pf people I read and sometime if it’s political or something I have no clue what the hell you are talking about I will not read it. Besides I like conversations in person.

6) If you want to have sex with my boyfriend.. TOO F@#$%ing bad..If you want Sex with me TOO F@#$%ing bad. If you want to worship us GREAT! [This is supposed to be funny.]

 

Two

 

I was talking to snow_lynx  on how I just don’t feel very strong in magic any more. Like sandmansister  said one time “Girl you are under the radar.”

 

I just felt like anything said or did I offended everyone.. and I am mean everyone. I would get glares, sighs or facial expressions that show their distaste in my actions.

Also I felt like I was being drained completely of everything I giving out to people and not getting anything back for support when I needed it. Well that is how I felt for a long time. I am still trying to rebuild my steps back up on the stairs so I can open that door.

Some days I feel like I am being heard other days I have people talking over me or taking center stage when I needed to talk about anything cause I was going mad. And sure people have opened their doors for me to talk to them.

 

But let be honest here as much as I trust a lot of people there is only a hand full I trust enough that would understand me or I feel I can communicate with out getting mad or frustrated.

 

Well this year I have found my nirvana, my zen that part of me that I have been trying find since I was broken the first time.

 

I choose to have a voice, no matter how much someone tries to walk over me I have my voice.

 

No matter if someone tries to force something on me I have a choice. No matter what I have a choice to allow things to happen to me.

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
whitetigergeek
Nov. 5th, 2004 01:15 pm (UTC)
*cracks knuckles* anybody steps on my phoenix, gets a first-class beat down. Old School style.

Speak out, as loud as you want. Silence is the only way to ever be defeated.

You may be under the radar to the world, but I know some of us still sense that strength in you. I know I do. One of the reasons your presence is some comfortable.

So glad to hear you have found that part of yourself. You have no idea how happy that makes me to hear that.
twilightfenix
Nov. 5th, 2004 01:23 pm (UTC)
lol Thanks hun =D
Yeah kind of nice to find that missing part.. It's been a long time lol
captelensar
Nov. 5th, 2004 01:58 pm (UTC)
a voice and a choice
way to go I have seen too many post here (not you just on my f-list)of people allowing themselves to be a victim (you are not a victim until you claim to be one) and if you need to talk to someone, I'm here
Capt out
twilightfenix
Nov. 5th, 2004 08:36 pm (UTC)
Re: a voice and a choice
thanks! I might have to borrow your ears sometime ^_~

:salutes:
dannydamonkeybo
Nov. 5th, 2004 02:52 pm (UTC)
i may not be the closest of friends of yours gal, but i have always seen an underlying strength in you...back at Hawkwood, and this last year at Scarby. When Tawn wanted to change our fight this way and that, I felt like walking out because he did the same to me and Mick the year before. But it was your strength and determenation that kept me in it and kept me quiet, thank you. May you always be able to find your pljh, and whatever tries to disrupt it, may you turn it away with the power of the Dark Phoenix (this last line is the humor part, sorry if it isn't funny)....Danny
twilightfenix
Nov. 5th, 2004 08:20 pm (UTC)
Hahah Dark Phoenix .. *thawp* cute. Well I try to have fun in what I love to do I learned after giving up Trombone after 11 years of being burned and told this and the other.. I lost the passion and love for it. I refused to let it happen to me again soo Tawn just made it more interesting ..

beside he got out of line I would have told him to suck my left nut
dannydamonkeybo
Nov. 8th, 2004 09:55 am (UTC)
lol...and i believe you would have too...glad to see i din't get hit to hard for the Dark Phoenix thing, and good to see you back to your normal self and not caring what others think...that's the way i have become...again...so take care of you and yours and hopefully we'll see you when you visit.
dmo214
Nov. 5th, 2004 03:51 pm (UTC)
Funny...
I didn't hear Greg complaining about our sex before.
Oo
twilightfenix
Nov. 5th, 2004 08:18 pm (UTC)
... You punk love yah miss yah alot ;)
mrmazoku
Nov. 6th, 2004 01:12 am (UTC)
If you want Sex with me TOO F@#$%ing bad.

I keep trying to explain to you that it's not cheating if I have the same name as your boyfriend.
twilightfenix
Nov. 8th, 2004 09:40 am (UTC)
>_> Yeah yeah yeah ... I am sure Diet would say other wise =P
nick1983
Nov. 8th, 2004 09:37 am (UTC)
FRUIT BASKET!!!!!
ok im done...

Anyway... I thought i had something inteligent to say. As with any friend one could always hope freinds are close to each other, but looking at the real world, trusting few people with your emotions is the smartest thing to do. wait that wasnt the main topic here...

In anycase you have always been a magical person to me. Ive always been clumsy in my words and the way I support my friends but I'll support you always in any way I can ^.^

Be the inferno!!
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )