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Hmm Lurking but not dead...

I have been reading a lot of post lately and not posting myself and now that I have this time to I shall make a few key points that I would like to express.

What is wrong with everyone lately?

Personally I don’t see what is wrong with anyone other than cabin fever and the norm. People getting sick and not taking care of them selves because they rather have fun and not have to worry about until it slips by us un noticed and becomes an issue. I have done this so much in my life, I am sick of it and I have chosen a new strategy for myself. It’s called deal with it now and maintain. It’s hard but so worth it. Depressed? That to me sounds like spring fever knocking on the doors of people whom want to get out and play.

Noticing a pattern with comments about relationships and being alone

I have noticed a lot of post lately around Valentine’s day about it’s been bothering them about being alone. And that it’s alright to accept that you are alone caused of maintenance a relationship is hard work and draining. I can understand that in some cases, but suppose that is not the always the case. Everything you do is hard work to maintain, like friendships and family ties. You have wok to make sure the connection is there. And no one is really alone unless they choose that path. And being alone is meaning accepting there is no one around to comfort you but you. I have never liked this idea you have to have this special person to spend for Valentines. Hell, in the past I used to be with a guy and sat there watching other get depressed or all lovely and shit. But I was fine; because I got to share my valentines with those I care and love. And that is how it should be. I spoke with Lys about this subject today and she made very valid points about society giving people pressure about not having that mate. Well it just takes a few people to start a new trend and things might change to be healthier for others.

New totem ideas?

Well, I have been thinking a bit on a few things. And I just don’t agree with you can’t have a mythical creature as your totem. I didn’t pick the phoenix cause t was cool or trendy. The Phoenix choose me to teach me something I needed right then and there. So I am sticking with Phoenix. Fox pounced on me and said hi and showed me how to be me even if I am small and how to b quick and right about my actions. Fox has also shown me I don’t forgive very easily and it’s not always a bad thing. Snake taught me that being alone is fine, also showed me to be charming and how to note manipulation and how to return it. Snow leopard, just kind of whooshed by me and gave some insight about patients, enduring things with thick pads, and to keep above the snow at all cost. Now then this other animal or thing redwing mentioned something of a humming bird. And I did some looking into it. And I don’t think humming bird is it. I know I am work really hard. But I know when to stop and know it’s not going to kill me. The reason why I work so hard and tear myself up is for the shear pressure I give myself cause I don’t want to see flaws I see in others as being costly ones. And plus I know I can handle it. Some times it just the fact I can’t feel the pain like normal people cause I am in another world with billons of thoughts racing through my head. I guess if you were to pay for every thought I had I would be retired and on my third world tour. I wouldn’t say I am easily distracted just focused on a lot of things and I shut down things that I feel is not important.


I have been so disturbed lately by dreams I going a little batty over it in my head. I don’t know what to do or where to start. I don’t have anyone to talk to about them cause every time I try to I get cut off, they get distracted. I am not saying I am pissed about this I am sure the dream isn’t all that grand to them. But to me it bugs me a lot. And I don’t know why they are. ARGGGHHH..


( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 8th, 2003 08:05 pm (UTC)
People who try and tell you what you can and can't have happen in your own Dreamtime (which IS where your totems come to you from, after all!) need to be told emphatically to shut the hell up!

I have personally served as a dreamguide and shamaness to no less than two people who had "Mythical" animals as their primary totems: One was a Unicorn...and YES, it WAS a unicorn, too; nothing horsey about it, folks, and nothing else looks, smells, or feels anywhere close to it. The other was a Chinese Fo, which is unmistakeably NOT like a dog, or like a lion. Just because they want to try and impose their understanding on the universe doesn't mean the universe is obligated to obey their limitations.

No one has any more right to tell you that you don't see/hear/feel the Phoenix, then they have to tell Trot he's not a fox, or Matthew he's not a Raven, or Jason he's not a lion.

You have my blessing and encouragement to stuff your sock into the mouth of the next person who tries to TELL you what your totem is NOT.
Feb. 9th, 2003 11:19 am (UTC)
THANKS! I will make sure to carry a spear pair of scosk around to stick in someone's mouth!

and I completely agree with you!
Feb. 8th, 2003 11:48 pm (UTC)
It seems like I haven't been dreaming much now that you bring it up. I know most of it's because I'm not sleeping long enough for the dreams to come. I never get more than 5 hours a night so I think I'm too tired for my mind to wander. Usually when I do, it's about the last thing I did before I went to sleep. So after I've been posting on the board for several hours straight, I turn off the computer and hit the bedroll, fall right to sleep, and continue posting or chatting on AIM in my dreams. Although one dream that comes occassionally that I can remember is having my teeth rot and fall to pieces in my mouth. I know that means something, but I don't know what.

And I hope my post didn't get you worked up about everyone being in a slump, because it certainly wasn't about you. It's just something I noticed and was pointing out. Maybe a few people were a little down and it spread through the board and LJ like a virus and suddenly everybody was depressed. I guess LJ is like an office. Some days I go in and everybody's quiet and working hard, and other days I walk in and everybody's wandering around talking and goofing off. What controls the office to dictate what mood it's in?

About relationships, I've always gone along saying I don't need anybody to be happy. I don't want to rely on anyone to make me happy because I've come to realize that NO ONE is reliable. And they shouldn't have to be burdened with the task of making me happy. But I can't deny that growing up I've always had this belief that my life can't begin till I find the love of my life. Maybe it's the Disney movies, and I've been conditioned to search for my own Cinderella. To wait for love at first sight. And I know as incomplete as I feel without a soulmate right now, I know it's very possible if I was in a relationship I could be dreaming of the days back when I was single and could come and go as I pleased. Like I am now. That's something else I've learned about myself. I always want what I don't have, and I don't appreciate what I DO have.

I think I wrote too much. :^)
Feb. 9th, 2003 11:17 am (UTC)
I think you wrote well.

I think you need more sleep cause Dreaming time is the best way to release tension and wake up with ideas and a smile some times. and You didnt ruffle my feathers over your post I just think everyone needs to get out and do something about it;)

Speaking of which if you not doing anything next weekend maybe we can hang out?
Feb. 9th, 2003 12:46 pm (UTC)
Dude. Cool. If you're up to something and think it would be fun to invite an extra person along, just let me know. :D
Feb. 10th, 2003 05:38 am (UTC)
the more the better!
Well we have 15th 16th and 17th soo Soo what day ?? :: Pokes pokes :
Feb. 9th, 2003 08:45 am (UTC)
Your totem is who YOU are...
not what someone else wants you to be.

My totems are firmly established in the world around me, but that's becuase of who I am and what I feel. You see and feel in the dreamscape who and what you are and no one but you has the right to say what that is or isn't. My world view has always included that which I can not see, feel or touch, it just means I've not learned or more appropriately unlearned, how to do those things with the mythical. I agree with Cluegirl here... those that try to tell you otherwise, tell them to get stuffed.

As to Valentine's day. Well, I'm not single, so I have a different perspective on it. In reality though, Cluegirl and I stopped celebrating it many, many years ago. To me it sends the wrong message. The marketing departments of the world try to tell people if their single there's something wrong with them. I know a couple who gave each other a printer and the 7th season of Star Trek Next Gen. Many people have told them "oh, how romantic." It's what each person really wanted, so doesn't that by nature make it romantic? Anyway, I've not cared for that holiday since I left Elementary school.

I am glad to say that of late, I've been able to make happy posts. January and it's hickups and was not as fun as it could have been. February has been great to us and even with the house I still feel something good on the horizon.

Stick with your dreams, they're yours and no one else should have the power to tell you what your dreams should be.
Feb. 9th, 2003 11:45 am (UTC)
Re: Your totem is who YOU are...
I am very happy you have been doing well. I wish I could come up and maybe take some pics with yah. I mean if you dont mind that is.

Valentines day is just something I just never really understood fully when growing up cause most of my peers had to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. And I just think that was pointless. And your right you shouldn't have to save ine day to express your love for someone. And Yup to much pressure from the marketing end.

I hope everything stays postive!
Feb. 9th, 2003 12:19 pm (UTC)
Re: Your totem is who YOU are...
The place is wonderful and I can wait to show it off, in pictures as well as in person. You are more than welcome to come up and just hang with us as well. As to using you as a model, I'd love to, I think it would be great, we just have to figure out how and when. Perhaps when everyone comes up for our Thanksgiving feast this year... hint, hint ;) You are of course welcome before then as well if it can be arranged. If you'd like I can forward you some scans of some of the work I've done to date (all 1 models worth).
Feb. 9th, 2003 12:18 pm (UTC)
strangely enough... you and Jason randomly appeared in one of my dreams this past week. I can't remember much of it anymore, but we three were walking through a deserted school hallway with battered old lockers.

Feb. 9th, 2003 02:06 pm (UTC)
Last night I dreamed I was laying in the dirt in my grandpa's chicken pen with a super model, and we both wanted to makeout, but I didn't put the moves on her thinking it would be better the longer I waited. So I kept talking romantically to her and looking at her lips.

Something happened and she disappeared and I realized I blew it because I waited too long.

This is my problem. I'm not a go-getter and I figured it out in a dream! Time to start taking advantage of the opportunities as they arise.

Just thought I'd share it with you since you posted all that stuff to me earlier about getting more rest and letting dreams release the tension. It worked.
Feb. 10th, 2003 05:37 am (UTC)
Maybe you should be a go-getter :: nudges :: You never know what you are missing out. ;)
Feb. 10th, 2003 04:02 pm (UTC)
found this and thought of you
related to the Phoenix as a totem (positive, you'll like).


at the very least, the pic is cool. I love the flames reflecting on the egg. :)
Feb. 11th, 2003 06:02 am (UTC)
Re: found this and thought of you
Yup I have seen that sight before! Thanks!
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )