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I am starting to feel like the kid in Highschool that didnt fit any where..

Damn it all.. I hate that feeling.. It's not like I am trying to classify myself but it's like I try to be friendly just to get shoved back in a closet and dismissed with some people. Just because I am differnt.

I could be a total Bitch and say Well your not worth my time. But It's not like me to just do that without reason..

and to say that I need to hang with people my own age is a joke.. cause there are only a few people exactly my age that I enjoy thier company.
But I have alot of friends so why should it matter?

No one should feel this way and I do.

I think I just need to hide out for a while and just figure things out on my own. GRRrrrrrrrr


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 9th, 2003 07:05 am (UTC)
You have no idea how hard it is for me to resist the urge to say 'welcome to my world'. But since I just said it, want a soda and a spot on the trogolodyte couch?

I know it can be hard when you look up and realize that the harder you try to be close with some people, the more they shove you away. It's like they've dropped this cookie cutter over you, and they don't want to acknowledge anything that falls outside what they've decided you are. And you can tell yourself it doesn't matter, and you don't need them anyway, and all that crap still doesn't affect the fact that you feel just like a chump. You wanted them to like you, respect you, and accept you, and you feel like you made a fool of yourself in figuring out that they just aren't ever going to.

I wish I could say I've thought of a solution. I haven't. The only answer I have to that sort of situation is to do the sour grapes thing, and tell myself they probably wouldn't have been good friends anyway. I mean I'll still be friendly with them, but I won't give them the chance to make me feel like a fool again. It doesn't stop the hurt, but dignity is sometimes the only thing you can count on.

Hope you get to feeling better soon.
Apr. 9th, 2003 07:05 am (UTC)
I Have a Theory...
No matter where we go or what we do in life, it's all just Junior High. In our work environments, in clubs, in bars/restaurants, in any place where people gather together, the social dynamics break down just the same as when we were in our early teens.

Sure, we may have more toys and not have to worry about curfews, but the emotional stuff that affected us then still affects us now. My office has folks from mid-20s to early 60s and still we have this at play.

People here actually accuse me of being too quiet, or very focused. Nope. I just shut up because I know my frame of reference is very different so my jokes or points of view (religion, politics, whatever) will be largely lost on everyone. Not that they are mean people, they just do what's expected. Just like the igmos in Junior High who can't conceive of a world beyond High School, much less college or life after that. Every now and again, I bust out just to keep 'em guessing. But most times I hate wasting good material on an unworthy audience. ;-)

We all know that the folks who were goobers in Junior High blossom when all is said and done. Just do your thang, sweetness. Live out loud. F*ck 'em and feed 'em fishheads.

::scratches head::

Wow, where did all THAT come from?!? LOL
Apr. 9th, 2003 07:23 am (UTC)

Sorry things aren't going so well at work for you. I'm lucky enough to have really cool teammates, and I'm even friends with some of them.

You are you, and I love you that way. If they can't see how utterly cool you are... well, as writewench said - f**k 'em and feed 'em fishheads.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )