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Thoughts of the day

I sit here wondering lately if I will ever get on night team..

So I can go back to school to study to be a profiler and doing the research necessary to help cases out.

You might be wondering why I want to do this instead being an artist. I just have what it takes to be one in the professional field and I love drawing I am scared I will hate it after words.

And I believe deep down I could make a good profiler. Yes A lot of schooling but at the end I would do the work and help people out.

Other things I wonder sometimes if I am too cold to people. I realized since I have gotten older I am more stand offish I don’t trust a lot of people as I used to. And I don’t know if it’s my instincts of them or past wrongs from others that prevent me from really opening up.

I used to care if there was someone out there was better than me cause I am so competitive. But now I try to find people better than me so I can learn and improve myself and maybe even expand my own talents to be better than my former self.

Why am I so competitive I can’t stand letting people down on their expectations of me. When I was little I had my family always having these high thoughts of me or consider me the black sheep’s child to where I had to over come my mother and show everyone that I am this shining star. It has consumed to the point now I feel that is the only way to be accepted. I have to prove myself all the time and it’s not for others now but for myself cause I have my own thoughts of myself. And this is where I get the idea maybe I am being to cold. I am too busy trying to watch my footing with people and not bothering to open up.

Odd how random thoughts like this hit you early in the day.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
whitetigergeek
Dec. 17th, 2003 08:07 am (UTC)
*Inuyasha ears stand up and wiggle with excitement*
a profiler? really? hmm, very interesting. In what field though luv? Those kind of skills can be applied in many areas. I know you have what it takes to do anything you want. You are right to only prove things to yourself. In the end, it's all about what you think of yourself.

You'll make it someday *Hugs* No doubt in my mind at all.
twilightfenix
Dec. 17th, 2003 08:29 am (UTC)
Re: *Inuyasha ears stand up and wiggle with excitement*
:shrugs: Crimnal Profiler? I am still looking up more information on which area exactly.. Thanks for the Support ^_^
sage1217
Dec. 17th, 2003 09:05 am (UTC)
It's good to listen to that inner voice... sounds like a healthy place to be...questioning and exploring, and maybe deciding to make a change in a couple things.. All good! Ever do a Meyers-Briggs? I can send you one from work. Might be helpful as you do this introspection. xoxoxo
cosmicmonster
Dec. 17th, 2003 09:57 am (UTC)
Meyers-Briggs? Is that the test that tells you what job you're best suited for? I'm also a little lost right now, so that may be good advice for me, too.

Happy Birthday, btw!
sage1217
Dec. 18th, 2003 05:16 pm (UTC)
Meyers Briggs
sort of... it can be used for many things.. its a good management tool.. and a good self discovery tool.. If you go to Barnes and Noble.. there are lots of interesting books to look through on it.. here are my 2 favorite links! Enjoy!

http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html
http://personalitytype.com/
twilightfenix
Dec. 17th, 2003 12:04 pm (UTC)
Thankies!! ^_^

you rock as always and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

::huggles::
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )