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Questionable Ghost trapped on paper

Do you ever remember the promises you make when you are children. Those promises of being great or doing something in humanly possible unless you got lose in day dreams in classes. I was reading through my journals and I am still astonished by some of the things I used to write.

I guess I had more a lonely child hood than I remember in some accepts. I remember not always agreeing with the teachings in schools or in church. So I would just read some in secret of the old book my mom used to read to me. Fairy tales from all over the world each having a lesson I could understand and embrace than the ones in school.

I never liked when I asked a question you would get an answer “Just because.” And sometimes people get so burned out on answering questions they never really realize how much it impacts a person when you just show you don’t care by answering just because.

I remember in part of my journal I was wondering about love. Cause well I understood about loving your parents and friends. But the kind of love I would see with my friends Mom and Dad. It was kind of foreign to me and I wanted to understand more about it so I asked my mom and more question popped in my head that sort of frustrated my mom and that I understand more about they story between my mom and father I understand why she was like that.

I wondered would I ever fall in love and would it hurt me or would it be great? Would always be with this person or would I share the same fate as my mother. Kind of strange how things like that pop back up in the oddest times in your life when you need something to reflect on.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 31st, 2004 10:06 am (UTC)
I swuppose Im the last person who has any right to comment on love... well just given my history of online crushes and betrayl and all that its easy to say I don't know what love it. But from what I hear it starts of incredibly, where you can find no significant fault with each other. then over time, you become satiated with each other and its harder to remain magical for some people when you cant accept the person fully when you begin to realize they do have faults. wits should replace charm, a good laugh should replace a demured smile, because when your 80 years old, your mind will get more stimulated than your body and laughter and companion ship is what will save the relationship. Not the romance aand lust and "nekkid work out videos" ::smirks:: ok ok ill behave promise. just dont mind the pointed tail.

A piece of advise i was told. in order to keep the magic going. give them only 60% of whatever it is they want from you to keep the both of you from being satiated. They wanna have sex? give it to em 60% of the time. that way it keeps the both of you...eh... ready to go. rather than becoming uninterested in it.

alright im rambling. Ive got to stop with the serious posts, im never any good with em, I like being wacky!!!
Aug. 31st, 2004 10:18 am (UTC)
0.o; Ummm I was just having a reflection .. of the past..
Aug. 31st, 2004 10:19 am (UTC)
I was going on a radom tangent whe I saw you reflect on love:: shrugs:: See im no good at this type of stuff
Aug. 31st, 2004 10:21 am (UTC)
:;snickers:: Who the hell is?
Aug. 31st, 2004 08:55 pm (UTC)
Promises to yourself
Your post made me think again about things I have actually been thinking of lately. How, when about 10 or 11 years old, I watched Mutiny on the Bounty and vowed to be a heroic person, fearless and standing up for right-like Fletcher Christian. That was before becoming a teen and abandoning much of my childhood ideals for thoughts of boys and "romantic love". I look back and realize I am still that person, but I have sublimated so much in response to what society expects of me.
Sep. 1st, 2004 04:32 am (UTC)
Re: Promises to yourself
It looks like we have something in common. Kind of strange out something in society can provide but also take away from you
Sep. 1st, 2004 01:04 pm (UTC)
I love love.

I hate love.

Love and I have a bit of a rocky relationship, and we don't always get along. Currently we aren't speaking, and love won't return my calls.


When I was home this weekend, I watched the slideshow from my high school band. It amazes me how much my mind lies to me and attempts to pervert my memories of what happened in my life. I watched those slideshows and got all emotional and sappy remembering how much fun it was and the great times I had. Then, I remembered the truth. I wasn't at all happy back then. I had almost no friends; people from the band shunned me, and I hated my life. For the first 2.5 years of high school, I was seriously suicidal. Yet my mind continues to attempt to convince me that it was fun.

Revisionist history, eh?
Sep. 2nd, 2004 04:37 am (UTC)
I think it's away to protect your self and move on..
I know I do the same thing and then I look in my journal or pictures and realize how much I really hated things or loved them before they were ruined for me.

Kind of strange really
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )