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But Mom I don’t wanna go to work

Okay so not only was in pain from natural reasons, but we had pot luck and something I eat made me had a bad allergic reaction. To the point I was burning up and had a blister on the inside of my lip. It was exactly the same as the reaction I got from the sulphate meds I had to take and found out it could kill me.

Damn it all I don’t even know what the hell I had to that would make me have that issue. Oh well I guess it would make an interesting head line.. Girl dies from pot luck.
Okay okay okay enough of the goofiness that is me

I am starting to feel better about myself. And I think it will get better I just need to continue my new habits and encourage more healthy foods in the house. You know what I find very amusing it I feel a lot better when I am not under the lime light. Honestly I don’t like the attention any other way than just acknowledgment for hard work I have done. I have always hated people trying to help me by saying I am pretty you have a great body .. blah blah blah.

It’s just not me, I just want people to see what is inside me. I have accepted I am not the brightest person, or some in depth person that understand politics or topics that are normally discussed in coffee shops. Honestly it scares me when people I care about say I am good looking cause I feel like I will disappoint them when I am old and my red hair has changed to white and I am sitting on the patio sipping on lemon aid enjoying the simpler things in life. Like a sunset spilling the last bit of color on the sky before it’s washed over by darkness and stars.

When I look comfy and I don’t care if I am not wearing makeup or my hair is brushed neatly or wearing the trendy clothes that you see on sitcoms. I simply hate it when someone asks if I am okay because I am not painted up like a friggan doll.

Heh I remember once I got a makeover done cause mom had a free coupon for one at Dillard’s do I got my hair cut, nails done and a facial. Went to my boyfriend’s house [Now exe for soooo many reasons] He looked at me and asked why I couldn’t look like that all the time. Well needless to say that didn’t help me out.

Also I guess another reason I feel so uncomfy about people making comments about my look is, when you grow up most of your pubescent life with very short hair, bi focal for glasses, braces with head gear, you didn’t wear dresses you wear boy clothing cause they were easier to wrestle in and do sports in. You didn’t come home clean cause you play hard and didn’t like boys other than to rough house with. And you wanted to know everything in school but didn’t enjoy the repeating nature of the subjects taught in school do you dozed off in a day dream like state and get called out by the teacher. You did things your peers thought you were nuts for doing, but you don’t care to much cause you are having fun. And when other girls start thinking guys were the shit and guys thought girls were great to look up their skirts. I was the one that sat by myself reading and playing a trombone which was not consider very feminine of an instrument but you could out do any guys in the trombone section. And when you are complemented and not made fun of you thank them for being nice and they say Siiiikkkkeeeee.. :rolls her eyes:
You just don’t get over it and get a little guarded about yourself so it’s really hard to have people giving you a complement without feeling there is a catch to it. And I know I am not alone in that matter. But I know also I am not alone when you accomplish something from hard work and it’s your baby you are very proud and no one can take that away or crush it cause it was made by you. That is what makes me fee attractive, when I feel like I accomplished something in my life that I know I did on my own and its good work.


( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 1st, 2004 05:48 am (UTC)
ahhh highschool everyone paints such a simular picture...wonder what it was like for Bill Gates....*wink*

I am glad you are learning to like you better, baby, because we already do (we out here in the outside of the cube maze).

Be you dear

PS Watched Xmen2 thought of you. Some day Linnea nad I need to have you explain the whole Dark Phoenix thing
Sep. 1st, 2004 05:51 am (UTC)
^_^ thanks! AndI would be happy to explain the dark Phoenix saga to you both. I think you will find it very intersting and explains alot. Sadly I still think Jean's Future daughter Rachel is alot cooler but that is another story ^_^
Sep. 1st, 2004 08:15 am (UTC)
Love you.
*picks up an oar* Hey, so long as we're in the same boat, I might as well help ya row.

BTW - I'm actually home tonight. Sunset? Wine? Pasta? And maybe a wayward brother if he's not busy?
Sep. 1st, 2004 08:26 am (UTC)
Re: Love you.
hmm .. We shall see if I get out of OT today or not..
I wish I could talk to you in private about a few things. nothing bad just need a best friend to talk about girly things.. :hugs: I love yah sis!

Sep. 1st, 2004 11:00 am (UTC)
I had thought of something possibly witty (probably not) and very sarcastic (most definitely) to say, but it suddenly ran away like a small hamster bleeding from the comb stuck in its anus. **wonders where the hell that line came from**

Anyway, I've run out of things to say. Oh wait, just found something else - holy fuck!! I have 6 more gmail invites. That makes sixteen in a week and a half. With this many invites going out, what's the point of making it invitation only? Why not just make it an open, free service?
Sep. 1st, 2004 11:12 am (UTC)
Well It's just like LJ you had to give out codes for people to have one before now any one can have one.
I guess to regulate the service to see what kind of clintel they get. I really dont know.

Witty, Sarcastic? You out of words! :gasp: My poor fan boy :pets: It's HUMP DAY! rejoyce in the greatness of a Hump day!
Sep. 1st, 2004 11:19 am (UTC)
Hey! You promoted me! You said I was more than just a fanboy now! You're not re-nigging on me, are you? **luxuriates under the petting of da Feenicks**

As for the Gmail thing, my theory is that they want to do a slow introduction of people onto the servers so things don't get completely bogged under. Sort of a staged stress test.

You want an invite?
Sep. 1st, 2004 11:21 am (UTC)
No thanks I will pass on teh invite.
And excuse me oh Protector of the Flame

>_> Fan boy.....
Sep. 1st, 2004 08:13 pm (UTC)
I really understand all that. At least now when I wear make up people say "What's the occasion?" rather than the other way around. It's nice having a job now where I am respected for what is on the inside, but when I am outside that realm I am judged on my looks again. Most of the time I think I will never get over the feelings of low self esteem I felt in high school, no matter how much I succeed. I realize I am smarter and make more money than 90% of the population, yet I can still feel less than anyone around me. (Not our group- lot's of smart people and even smarter than me- I am talking general population.)The three things that make me feel special are being respected among my physician peers, getting a great catch like acuman and having two wonderful children who think I am the greatest.
Sep. 2nd, 2004 08:13 am (UTC)
see just another reason to admire you!
Sep. 1st, 2004 08:19 pm (UTC)
Re: "could out do any guys in the trombone section."
I played trombone too. Too bad. I woulda hated you cuz I sucked. :-)
Sep. 1st, 2004 08:23 pm (UTC)
Re: Too bad.
That was supposed to read,"Too bad that is." As in I played too bad. Not as in. "too bad you played too." The explanation is getting longer than the selfdepricating joke so I'll quit now. Bye.
Sep. 2nd, 2004 04:35 am (UTC)
Re: Too bad.
HAHAHA We might of got along cause It's usally 2nd chair and third chair that were the cut throats of the group
Sep. 2nd, 2004 08:43 am (UTC)
You are either the firstborn of my soul children (your last paragraph) or my very young sister... Don't wait to enjoy those sunsets with the lemonade.. take them when you can find them... xoxoxo
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )