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One-step the right way.

Well Last night I was over at Goth boy’s house for a night of wine and leisure. We snuggled down in bed together watching a movie, well sort of watching it. When he told me what toadie had told him in the live journal. I was rather taken off guard by it at first. But finally I opened up to him. He wanted to know what I wanted this relationship to go or see it going. And I told him honestly I want to be with him always cause I love him just that much. Then he asked me about the marriage thing that happened at Redwing’s and Trot’s Wedding. The comment about he didn’t want to talk about marriage when I was only joking around and repeating what others where saying. I told him hurt me a lot and I closed up any ideas of mentioning a future of us cause of that. I just didn’t want to feel crushed any more so I kept my future clear of any ideas of marriage to protect my heart from being broken. Then this is the one thing I never thought I would hear any guy ask me. “ Are you ready to get married? Do feel you are ready?”

Oye… I wanted to say no.. But damn it all the truth blurted out of me and I said yes I do feel I am ready. Not for the kids but just something more in this relationship.

After that was said we cuddles some more and he started to talk about the next logical step for this relationship would be to move in together and he is afraid that once that happens we will take each other for granted and the relationship will fall apart. I understand where is coming from on that comment. I mean Like he said it. If it’s not broke why fix it? But you have to take that chance.. I don’t want to be one of those relationships that are boyfriend and girlfriend for 6 years.. and then we just stay that way..

I mean .. I don’t want to see that happening. I never got to finish what we were talking about last night , but I do feel that I can finally open up to him more. I guess I am just scared that I will be the one scare him off. After so many relationships, this one has been so nice. Simple, easy going and laid back, That is all I want.. a guy I can grow old with and love always..

Well enough of the mushy crap.


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 4th, 2002 08:18 am (UTC)
But what if it is broke but you can't tell?
A relationship, in my personal opinion, is a moving vehicle. If it is not moving forward, at *least* incrementally, then it *is* broken. Stalled. Totalled. Something.

Now, it is completely possible for a relationship to grow without the status changing, so I'm not saying "Damnit, get married!" or anything. Just... babbling. ;)

Jun. 4th, 2002 08:57 am (UTC)
Re: But what if it is broke but you can't tell?
Well you know..
I think .. in some cases when you are young like I am and trying to get your ducks in a row.. You just have to maintain the car so to speak and when you want to up grade the model is when you are a comfy level of securtiy. yeah ..
Jun. 4th, 2002 09:54 am (UTC)
whether or not you two are getting married is neither here nor there (at least to me).

I am MOST excited however, to hear how obviously well the communication about this issue between the two of you went - that it was open, and it appears that both of you were listening to each other really well. I'm happy to hear that from you. :D

as for you two moving intogether, he should realize that marriage is about working stuff out, even after living together. I personally don't believe that there should be a "trial period" for living together (but that's my opion only, and I'm sure I'll be lashed out at for it). The only reason I've lived with the boys that I have is because either my or their schedule is so hectic that it would have been impossible to see each other otherwise. It wasn't about marriage in my case.

Anywho, I have a question - if you and Greg are thinking about getting a place together, I guess I need to know. I've got several potential roommates lined up, because my poor broke ass can't afford to live alone. No decision now is needed, I just need to be kept in the loop. :D

lova ya!
Jun. 4th, 2002 10:03 am (UTC)
Re: yay
Well I think I am still keeping you as a room mate if you do not mind.. I Am not going rush the poor guy..

Besides.. it was only us talking nothing was planned out.. and I need to get a few things taken care of.. before anything like that happens..

(Deleted comment)
Jun. 4th, 2002 10:47 am (UTC)
Re: yay
:; laughs:: Thanks hun!

Yeah .. I need all the advice I can get at this time. I mean after all, I never been in a real situation like this .. So those that have been are my teachers..
Jun. 4th, 2002 10:35 am (UTC)
Long engagements
Ken and I dated for 6 years before we moved in together. I personally think that was, and is the best way to handle a potential mate. Long engagements give you the time to really learn what a person is like underneath their "game face" They give you time to experience the "taking each other for granted" as well as the "re-discovering you" themes that, like it or not, are part of every marriage sooner or later. They give you time to learn how to settle disputes and disaggreements without the terrifying weight on your shoulder that "if this doesn't work out, we have to get a divoce" It means that if you want to work it out, you do, not because you feel you personally betrayed your principles if you didn't.

Ken and I lived together only one year before we were married, and again, I think that was the best thing for our relationship. Dating and engagement teaches you a first stage of compromise and commitment. Co-Habiting takes it to the next level in. You know you can work out issues of basic cleanliness, which way the toilet paper faces, toothpaste use, hours and parking rights, and all the other things you have to work out with anyone with whom you share space. Only you have a history of cooperation and compromise, which you don't have with ere friends, and since you know you want the relationship to go farther than the end of the lease, you know you will try and make things not only peaceful on the surface, but healthy and wholesome all the way through too.

After Ken and I got married, we moved to a new house. This is good because it is a symbolic step of "setting up OUR home." We knew that even through we'd dated for 6 years and lived together for 1, the actual rings on our fingers really and truly made things different in a way that no one who hasn't married their best friend can understand. We've had our spats, and we've gone for long periods where we were great roommates who happened to share the same bed, and we've gone through the feelings of being taken for granted and overlooked. But we have that history as proof that we always were willing to work things out before, so we'll be able to last them out now.

I guess what I'm saying is this: Don't be afraid of a long courtship. It teaches you better than anything else can how to trust your partner in life, and your own choices about him and your life with him
Jun. 4th, 2002 10:45 am (UTC)
Re: Long engagements

Well said! I guess I am just scared about the long term situation of not marrying cause I have seen a few things happen with that. And yes I do agree withyou about living together. I know I have a few habits that I need to umm .. clear up .. :: sheepish grin::

Thank you for sharing that with me!

And also If I havent said it already thank you very much for the Phoenix Print!

I love it alot! :: huggles::

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )