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Where do you go from here?

I looked at my self today and realize I am still missing pieces of me but I am a lot more of myself than I used to be. There are certain things I find in my life that are justified and I have allowed those issues to walk all over me cause I have no idea how to approach it without sounding defensive or demanding. I look at this gaping hole in my chest where a soul should be and it’s there but cold and asleep most times waiting for something to set it back on fire.

Seems kind of depressing but I am identifying the situation to fix it so I can have myself back and to appreciate what I have or what I can offer to myself. I will admit I get restless I want more out of life but seriously what is more? Kind of have to wonder what it is ….

I was accused that I am selfish with my time and I all I can come with is yes I am selfish with my time cause it’s my time, and I will share it when it is needed or there is a give and take. I have given so much of my time to things that I feel like there not much else I can do but just move along and enjoy what I have.

People they say they miss you sometimes but I wonder if it’s you they miss or the attention you shower them, so when you do shower them again with affection they drop you again. These are some of the questions I ask if these people are the ones I want to keep around me, funny part is they are not on LJ they are not people I normally talk to unless I run into them online on AIM , MSN or something ..

I worry sometimes if I do that and I know I get distracted a lot of the time and forget to tell people I love them a lot and miss them, wish I could give them a strong embrace. Laugh with them over silly stuff and comfort when it’s needed. I want to tell everyone that I appreciate them but you just kind of forget when you are distracted it’s not a strong excuse but at least I can be honest to myself about it.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 26th, 2005 06:11 pm (UTC)
No it's prefrectly fine it's "Your time" after all... and you can spend it how you see fit... and some of us really do miss you but those of us who really care understand, yeah that's right I think... yeah it is. Anyways I think that's fine.
May. 26th, 2005 06:15 pm (UTC)
Yes, I miss the Steffers, but you gotta live your life girly...*nods* Do what's right, and what's best, for you.

B'sides, I'll see you next weekend. ^__^

May. 27th, 2005 07:41 am (UTC)
One thing you have to question...
Is anyone ever really whole? complete?

My answer to that may not be one you'd expect. The answer is No. My reasons for this seem simple to me. Every day we grow. Our bodies stop after a time but the mind and soul move on. Is there something your doing, even for entertainment, that your not happy with what its giving back to you? You may not feel whole, but I am more than happy with the Stephers I got. You make a wonderful friend. I am not sure I could handle a complete Stephers ~.^

Time is precious to everyone. Whatever you do with it, make sure it is what you want. Sometimes want you want to do is compromise so that you can do something with someone else and thats ok, but do what you want to do.

And if its one thing I have learned about Stephers the magnificent, is she will talk when she is damn well ready too!! LOL lots of hugs and love to you hun. Hang in there.

Oh yes, and thank you. You are appreciated too.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )