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Well this weekend was interesting

I did learn a few more things about my mother and me. And I found out a few things about my Grandpa and me. Some of it was good some of it was not, but you know it confirms to me that I am my own person and no matter what I am still loved.



Okay so I don’t have a father never had one to begin with, so I just celebrate it with my mom. Yes she gets two days out of the year so what I think she has earned it for the most part. But this year I got to spend it with my grandpa someone I just assumed would never really be apart of my life. But he seemed grateful of me being there.


Asked mom if she was scared when she found she was pregnant with me and she answer honestly that she was, I replied back I was sorry she kind of pinched me and said why for? I was the best thing that happened in her life. Kind needed to hear that. Then I got my grandmothers old pictures and stuff and flipped through them and Grandpa said how beautiful she was and how determined. Then he looked at me and said I reminded him a lot of her. I felt really honored to compare such awesome woman as her I just hope I can just be as successful as her. I will never really know if I made my grandmother proud but I would like to believe I am heading in that direction that would make her proud.


I discovered how friggan narrow minded my mom can be sometimes and I wish sometimes I would not be around it.


Mom: “Did you know that schools are saying it’s okay that two woman or two men having sex is normal?”


Me: Yeah so?


Mom: “That isn’t something that should be taught in school”


Me: Oh so you think it’s normal for them to learn it off the streets like I did?


Mom: …….



Me: They are going to learn it from some where. I think it would be fine if people would just chill for once and realize this has been going on for thousands of years. Serious if it’s been that way for so long how could it not be normal? Ehh?


Mom: … So Did you see the shoes I bought?


Me: {thinking Mom needs to stop listening to talk radio for a little while]



Got home kind of depressed and stuff cause I was reminded I am the last of my family. No Really I am the last of them, considering that I am the only child, only grand child, only niece, only grand niece and so on.  And I wondered if maybe I am not supposed to have a family maybe I am supposed to kill off this tragic blood line of widowers/divorcees. Then spent some time with Greg and resolved myself that I am the phoenix and even though I sacrifice a lot I am also supposed to renew things right? So I am supposed to renew my blood line with better conviction and enlighten them to be better people, then maybe I can break this curse that seems to lay so heavy on my family of almost all women.


And I would love to thawp my brother upside the head up you really do deserve a Huge hug. What you said to Greg the other day worked ;) Thank you for being a good catalyst.



( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 20th, 2005 02:33 pm (UTC)
I like reading into things...
I am supposed to renew my blood line with better conviction and enlighten them to be better people

planning children? :D

And I would love to thawp my brother upside the head up you really do deserve a Huge hug. What you said to Greg the other day worked ;) Thank you for being a good catalyst.

getting married? :D

Krys = Eeeeevil

*hides from any potential sparks*
Jun. 20th, 2005 02:34 pm (UTC)
Re: I like reading into things...
Nope not yet.. Have to have a ring yah know ;)
Jun. 20th, 2005 02:39 pm (UTC)
Re: I like reading into things...
You know, Heath keeps insisting that it is indeed possible to have children without a ring, but I fear the wrath and guild trips of my mother. ;)
Jun. 20th, 2005 03:14 pm (UTC)
Re: I like reading into things...
Oh, yes, speaking as a once single parent, it is entirely possible to have children without a ring.

And yes, motherhood was and is just about the greatest joy I can imagine.
Jun. 20th, 2005 03:52 pm (UTC)
Re: I like reading into things...
Err. .I was talking about umm the married part .. not the kids part. I should know I am a child outof web lock so yeah and my mom was single parent heh

Jun. 20th, 2005 04:01 pm (UTC)
Re: I like reading into things...
Errr I dont care what order.. but marriage kind od requires a ring is what I was talking about
Jun. 20th, 2005 06:41 pm (UTC)
on not having a father, I can relate ( lets leave it at that for now )

The point here is I am happy you got to know more about yourself.

PS. You Rock :D
Jun. 20th, 2005 07:32 pm (UTC)

I guess you could relate I am not saying I really understand it or anything.kind of Numb about it really dosent seem all that important to me not to have a father or what not.
Jun. 21st, 2005 08:55 am (UTC)
i know who my father is... but may as well have not. he didnt pay support or play an active role or anything... so yeah... rather than not knowing my father, i hate em. and my stepfather too. so to be honest, I'd rather be numb. Anyway yeah, thats all i have to say about that.
Jun. 21st, 2005 09:11 am (UTC)
WTF Nick..

Be grateful you have mother and family that will love you. Yeah there are Dead beat dads out there I am not making this a fucking pissing contest who had the worse dad. I DON’T know what it is like PERIOD. That means I can give you sympathy but I will never understand exactly how you feel and I am sorry for that.
Jun. 21st, 2005 09:49 am (UTC)
O.o; didn't mean for it to sound like I was taking it in that direction. Yeah I hate my dad. nothing I can do about it. But I have an excellant mother and extended family I wouldn't trade for the world. I am sorry that I wasn't more clear on it. To be honest I wasn't ( and still not ) sure how to approach this subject. but erm yeah I definatly don't want to start a pissing contest. I am sorry if it upset you by the way it sounded.

Anyways, yeah, no drama intend. -.-o
Jun. 21st, 2005 12:43 pm (UTC)

Look Nick I am going to be very blunt about this with you. Every time I post something if post you either try to out post and make it seem like a competition or mine is bigger than yours sort of attitude with your post towards me or my friends post. When I post things like this I don’t mind comments but on this one it does offend me a great deal by your post for the fact of the matter it seems you are wanting attention on your self and my point of my post is lost. I am sure deep down that is not your intent but most times you come off like a little brat on my LJ. I have a lot of patients but this really broke my back on patients.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )