Twilight Fenix (twilightfenix) wrote,
Twilight Fenix

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Well this weekend was interesting

I did learn a few more things about my mother and me. And I found out a few things about my Grandpa and me. Some of it was good some of it was not, but you know it confirms to me that I am my own person and no matter what I am still loved.



Okay so I don’t have a father never had one to begin with, so I just celebrate it with my mom. Yes she gets two days out of the year so what I think she has earned it for the most part. But this year I got to spend it with my grandpa someone I just assumed would never really be apart of my life. But he seemed grateful of me being there.


Asked mom if she was scared when she found she was pregnant with me and she answer honestly that she was, I replied back I was sorry she kind of pinched me and said why for? I was the best thing that happened in her life. Kind needed to hear that. Then I got my grandmothers old pictures and stuff and flipped through them and Grandpa said how beautiful she was and how determined. Then he looked at me and said I reminded him a lot of her. I felt really honored to compare such awesome woman as her I just hope I can just be as successful as her. I will never really know if I made my grandmother proud but I would like to believe I am heading in that direction that would make her proud.


I discovered how friggan narrow minded my mom can be sometimes and I wish sometimes I would not be around it.


Mom: “Did you know that schools are saying it’s okay that two woman or two men having sex is normal?”


Me: Yeah so?


Mom: “That isn’t something that should be taught in school”


Me: Oh so you think it’s normal for them to learn it off the streets like I did?


Mom: …….



Me: They are going to learn it from some where. I think it would be fine if people would just chill for once and realize this has been going on for thousands of years. Serious if it’s been that way for so long how could it not be normal? Ehh?


Mom: … So Did you see the shoes I bought?


Me: {thinking Mom needs to stop listening to talk radio for a little while]



Got home kind of depressed and stuff cause I was reminded I am the last of my family. No Really I am the last of them, considering that I am the only child, only grand child, only niece, only grand niece and so on.  And I wondered if maybe I am not supposed to have a family maybe I am supposed to kill off this tragic blood line of widowers/divorcees. Then spent some time with Greg and resolved myself that I am the phoenix and even though I sacrifice a lot I am also supposed to renew things right? So I am supposed to renew my blood line with better conviction and enlighten them to be better people, then maybe I can break this curse that seems to lay so heavy on my family of almost all women.


And I would love to thawp my brother upside the head up you really do deserve a Huge hug. What you said to Greg the other day worked ;) Thank you for being a good catalyst.


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